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Viatu Na Bei, Viatu Na Bei: The Nairobi Way

If you cant stop at a hawker’s merchandise, you are not a lady! I know some of you would prefer ‘Mr. Bei’ or some fashion house above Moi avenue but there is something big happening downtown too. Viatu na bei. 

The announcer from the shopping stalls would definitely catch your attention. The Shoes come in all manner of fashion, style and heel size for ladies. Gents are not left behind, they can also get amazing shoes at cheap prices. Lets say revolutionary into the hawkers world.

I believe these guys could still be in the streets selling the shoes as it is with the rest of the ever running Nairobi hawkers. Renting a 7X5 stall in the CBD may cost you about Ksh. 40,000 per month and that is dependent on the location since it may attract hundreds of thousands of the so called good will. 

I decide to take a look around the “viatu na bei’ stalls. They are several right now locate along Tom Mboya and Ronald Ngala streets. The shoes are draped freely attached to dog chains from the roof tops. The price and shoe size clearly marked on the shoe. 

I settled on one shoe, it was one, not a pair. (Mwenzake huletwa baadaye). A small bodied beautiful young lady approaches me and i inquired from her if she is the attendant. “What is her foot size”She asked. I looked at her like i had seen something strange. “Her size?” i answered. i dint know her size. “What do you wear?”i asked her. “Why?”she asked curiously. “Because your feet are her size, i guess”I answered her.

The lady attendant smiled back sheepishly and dropped her head to her waiting shoulder. She pulled a long stick with a small hook at its tip from the shelves and said. “Follow me!” I did.She stretched out her tiny healthy arm with the stick to reach a red shoe from the long dog chains attached to the roof. Her chocolate flat stomach revealed from her her short blouse raised up by  the activity.

I felt a very heavy knock on my head. Damn! it was painful. I pressed the point i was hit on with my thumb and checked, it was bleeding. She apologetically ran for some water and a towel which she used to clean up my head. A shoe that she was struggling to reach for slid off the hook of her stick and landed on my bald head. it was a 9 inch sharp pointed heel shoe that damaged my view, her belly. 

I dint realize the steel doors get closed so fast. The hawkers on the streets were on the run and some hooligans usually take advantage to rob inside their stall, so they decide to run down the roller steel door for safety. There were many lady customers trapped in there, Each customer looked like a suspect thief ready to fish out a revolver or AK47 from her dear loaded handbag. It happened.

I never knew i was a fore-teller. . My instincts did not lie an inch. One fine lady walked up to me and said, “Man, if you want to use your balls in future, kindly get the f** door closed under lock and key, bring the keys!” “I do not work here.”i replied. She hit me on the same spot that 9 inch heel had landed with the butt of her not so genuine looking gun. Everybody lie down” She shouted.

Well, thats how i lost my valentine surprise for ‘her’.The lady  attendant? Well, that is a story for another day.


She Took My Burger

I know you have seen that advert for Cocacola where a chic grabs away a glass of ice cold soda just as the guy prepares to pick it up. Yeah, it’s Kind of the same thing here too. Think of that awkward moment when you really want to sneeze but it doesn’t come out, you keep folding the face hoping that it would come out but repeatedly dies away.

I used to love those times hawkers were around the city center selling their wears and chanting all manner of “hawk language” that i was well accustomed to. Those music and movie CDs areas were my favorite stop. I would shuffle the whole table of CDs looking for a record by Akon or some action film for the evening. Those guys kept sliding a porn CD into my collection in bid to have me pay for if without anyone seeing but i kept declining. The hawker is like “Hii ni ile motomoto…ntakukatia price, kesho upitie iniambie vile iko..”  (“This is the best of all; i will give it to you at half price then tomorrow pass by to tell me how it went”)  

Every piece was going like hot cake and i felt it better get myself one….i didn’t know those CDs either had nothing in them or some kind of Jet lee martial arts in Chinese! On the other side of Tom Mboya Street i could see a lady waving nice boxers but i didn’t like their color. Next to her was….wait a minute, i smiled to myself. I had been looking for her for very long, she never picked any of my calls nor did she bother to reply my frequent SMSs.

Judy is a lady of her kind; God carefully configured her structure and filled every necessary edge of her skin but for the dimples. I could see her hair blown off by the evening wind but she was camouflaged within the several colors of clothing from the people who surrounded her. She bent to pick something from the mitumba heap on the ground and i could neatly follow her alignment leg to hip. “She is beautiful,” i said to myself.

Working with such a lady in the office gives me comfort even if i never used to speak to her, i was shy. Too bad.  The only thing that kept me alive is seeing her pick documents from my desk before she could catwalk to the scanner at the corner of the office. I don’t know why someone could put that scanner that low, Gosh! She had to bend over to use it; there i am peeking through the 17″ monitor. I later asked the inventory guys to remove the scanner from my office, i was relieved. Read the rest of this entry

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